Singaporeans, not Singapore, to be re-branded

The Economic Development Board’s efforts in re-branding Singapore as an Education Hub have largely failed, a spokesman said. Therefore, rather than re-brand Singapore, the EDB has decided to re-brand Singaporeans themselves. A large cattle branding iron was procured, with letters “SG” carved. Each citizen will go through the nation-building exercise. The iron reaches a temperature of 500 degrees, and applied to the bare backsides of Singaporean citizens, causing a loud “sssssss” sound for a few seconds to create the new Singapore brand. EDB representatives recruited caning experts at Changi prison to help with the branding, since they are used to dealing with strapping down naked Singaporeans and hearing screams of agony. “It’s actually kind of fun,” said one caner-cum-brander. PM Lee lauded the EDB’s efforts, saying that many tourists would likely visit Singapore to see the new Singapore brand for themselves.

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