Penis size to replace penis presence as test for NS liability

Currently National Service liability is determined by a simple rule: “Do you have a penis or not?” All Singaporeans with a penis are required to serve, and all those without cannot. This arbitrary penis-based system has incurred the wrath of a number of Singaporean women who have demanded to serve NS. In 2005, MINDEF reported 32 cases of women illegally attempting to serve NS (13 of which were found with penis paraphernalia in their possession). To prevent future occurrences, MINDEF has increased scrutiny of the penises of new recruits. Rather than checking for only the presence of a penis on the citizen in question, the presence AND size will be tested. Only those with “verified” penises will be required to serve. Due to the well-known relationship between luxury car ownership (hence wealth) and penis size, this policy is expected to reduce the number of wealthy Singaporeans (with “unverified penises”) who will be called up for duty, improving the economy. Critics have complained that the new procedure does not address what to do with Singaporean men who have penises but do not use them. This includes clergymen (because of sin) and homosexual men (who are prohibited by law from using their penises).

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