Complaints surface of gurkhas stealing local jobs

With Mas Selamat’s escape from Whitley Road Detention Center (WRDC) fresh in the local news, it was disclosed that a number of foreign gurkhas were employed there. It is unknown why Singaporeans were unsuitable for these jobs. According to Minister Wong Kan Seng, the main job of these gurkhas is to “punish detainees, beat them periodically, torture them, and strip them down and cane them”. He added that there was “little oversight” at WRDC. This prompted many an angry letter to Singapore Donkey from readers.

S. Tan wrote, “We have enough foreign talents here already. We need to send the gurkhas back to Nepal and replace them with locals.”

L. Chan wrote, “I want a job that has a manager giving me ‘little oversight’ just like the minister said.”

M. Lee wrote, “I want to cane people.”

S. Lee wrote, “I want to cane people too.”

S. M. Goh wrote, “I think it’s time to mend fences and move on.”

M. M. Lee wrote, “I think we should mend the window first.”

Low democracy doesn’t mean no democracy: NCPC

The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) has expanded its successful “Low crime doesn’t mean no crime” public education programme. The goal of the new campaign is to make sure that the Singapore public stays vigilant and prevents any democracy wave from taking root. According to an NCPC press release, this campaign will largely be accomplished in schools: “Democracy prevention should be inculcated from an early age. As such, many of the Council’s efforts are targeted at the youth and children in Singapore. Reaching out to this group is made easier by the fact that this is largely a captured audience, with most of them in schools.” According to a Singapore Police Force spokeswoman, “While the police do their best to prevent democratic rate movement, it is largely our stagnant culture that helps keep the democracy rate in Singapore low. We must make sure this culture doesn’t change.” The spokeswoman further added that the police will continue to target so-called democra-criminals for detention, arrest, and “a bit of brutality when no one’s watching,” so that citizens can continue to enjoy peaceful lives.

PM Lee has new Cabinet installed in Parliament

“This time I decided to choose oak,” said PM Lee, “even though Dad wanted mohogany.”  PM Lee explained that the old Cabinet in Parliament was getting worn out.  “So many of the ministers kept storing odds and ends in the old cedar cabinet that the brass hinges got loose and started to fly off.”  Some of the present ministers will be banned from accessing the new oak cabinet.  No women will be allowed into the Cabinet either.  Along these lines, Minister Vivian Balakrishnan will only be allowed to access it once per week, instead of twice as was the case before, since he was eating too many snacks on his own.  “The key function of the Cabinet ministers,” explained PM Lee, “is to run and fetch me and my dad snacks from the oak Cabinet during our meetings.”  He also explained that Home Affairs Minister Wong Kan Seng’s main job is to make sure that the door to the toilet “stays closed” so that odors don’t drift into the area where the PM is snacking while crafting policy.