Singapore’s plain-clothes-police officers’ clothing “too plain”

Singapore hired a record number of plain-clothes police officers in 2007, according to Mr. Goh Liang Kwang, Acting Commissioner of Police. “The main problem with the new recruits is that they dress too plainly, and Singaporeans on the streets are beginning to notice.” Plain-clothes officers are necessary to deploy for public events that may turn riotous, or where there is great fear for public safety. Examples include a recent banned gay and lesbian picnic in Singapore Botanic Gardens and a banned Worker’s Party cycling event. Both banned events attracted 50+ plain-clothes officers, some dressed very plainly. According to Mr. Kelvin Yeo, a plain-clothes officer, “We are trying to wear less-plain clothes, so that in the future we can do an even better job at keeping Singaporeans from rioting.”

Singapore mulls liberal arts college without liberals or art

A spokesman at the Ministry of Education announced in a press conference today that Singapore is considering forming a new university, most likely a liberal arts college.  Since liberals are normally bankrupt in Singapore, and art is severely censored by the Media Development Authority, it has been decided that the university will be called a “liberal arts” college but there won’t actually be any liberals or arts there.  “We just need a good name to attract the poorly-performing local students and those students from nearby communist countries who don’t know what liberals are,” the spokesman clarified.  He added that “liberal arts” makes Singapore sound like a first-world country.

Transport Minister Raymond Lim waves at construction workers on lorry

Singapore’s Transport Minister and 2nd Minister for Foreign Affairs Raymond Lim, was on the AYE in his Mercedes when a lorry carrying 15 construction workers passed by. “I decided to wave,” Mr. Lim told Singapore Donkey. Mr. Lim was apparently moved to action upon hearing of the death of one worker and serious injury to 14 others when a similar lorry was in a horrific traffic accident earlier that morning. Because lorries hauling Bangladeshi workers have no seat belts and the workers sit in the back, there is no protection from grave injury during accidents. Mr. Lim is considering requiring lorries to chain the workers to the truck, “so that they won’t fly all over the place in a collision,” but thought it might put too much financial burden on local construction companies. Meanwhile, he reminded Singaporeans that they must buckle their seat belts at all times or risk a $300 fine. “Life is to be cherished. Don’t risk it,” he added.

Inflation fears after launch of $1,000,000,000,000,000 note for Hungry Ghosts Festival

The Hungry Ghosts Festival or the Feast for the Wandering Souls is held annually during the seventh month on the lunar calendar and is a month-long event in Singapore. During this month, the gates of hell are opened and spirits are free to roam the earth and visit the living (especially relatives). The Chinese typically burn ‘hell money’ and other paper offerings for the deceased, who as ghosts are able to use the money in their world. And it is in their world where inflation fears mounted today after many mainland Chinese started burning a newly-launched $1,000,000,000,000,000 note. The largest-denomination note available for burning in Singapore is only $1,000,000,000,000. In a world where even basic household items often cost millions or billions of dollars due to the large and constant influx of currency from the living, fears are that pressure from China over the new note will cause runaway inflation, and ultimately Singapore will have to respond by printing an even higher-denomination note. Local entrepreneur Kelvin Tan, however, has decided not to give into pressure, though. “I’m going to burn books this year. My deceased relatives can sell them anytime, since their value will hold in face of inflation.” Other local Chinese have written up special inflation-free bonds and derivatives to burn to afford their relatives long term financial security.

Singaporean entrepreneur earns big money teaching entrepreneurship class

Jasper Tan, a Singaporean entrepreneur, is now earning over $10,000 per month after he started his own business after finishing his university studies with a degree in psychology. His business focuses on teaching entrepreneurship classes. “I thought I might put my knowledge of psychology to use,” he told Singapore Donkey by telephone. Mr. Tan’s education was a boon to the Singapore entrepreneurship scene, and his successful entrepreneurship class has brought him riches and fame. Other Singaporeans may soon jump into the entrepreneurship bandwagon and startup their own entrepreneurship classes. “If more Singaporeans take entrepreneurship classes about starting entrepreneurship classes, then it bodes well for Singapore’s future,” said PM Lee when asked to comment. “Someday, as more and more Singaporeans teach entrepreneurship, we will all become smarter.”

Li Hongyi sends e-mail to hundreds of UN delegates about poor leadership in Singapore

On the heels of his successful e-mail rant to hundreds of people about Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) leadership faults, Mr. Li Hongyi, a low-ranking officer (2LT) and son of Singapore’s PM Lee, has decided to take his letter-writing campaign one step further. Although 2LT Li is very upset and frustrated about conditions within the SAF leadership, he is even more angry and frustrated about the top brass in the Singapore government’s leadership. 2LT Li’s approach to remedy the situation is not to work his way up the chain of command domestically, but to reach out to hundreds of foreigners by e-mail and make sure everyone understands his thoughts on the matter. Singapore Donkey has obtained a copy of his new e-mail:

I am using this last opportunity to issue a letter of complaint against the quality control of leaders in the Singapore government, more specifically against its PM. During my time as his subordinate, the PM was AWOL on at least 2 counts (sipping tea when he was supposed to be attending mentoring tutorials with MM Lee), attempted bribery (threatening to become corrupt without a 50% salary increase), and lied to his subordinates and foreigners (about the treatment of his political opponents and the true amount of freedom in Singapore). The judiciary HQ has effectively given no punishment, and has not even made these infractions known to the rest of the public. PM has banned publications about his wrongdoing, and has even sued those such as the Far Eastern Economic Review and its editor who have tried to inform the public about his infractions.

Even if you attribute the lack of punishment to extreme leniency, the decision to not inform the public about his bad leadership is even more suspicious. Especially in a democracy such as Singapore, where the importance of duty cannot be over emphasized, to not even inform the public of the occurrence is to send a signal that there is nothing wrong with his actions. If it was unintentional it shows gross negligence for something which is clearly an important matter, and if intentional shows a level of corruption that I need not elaborate on.

While some might say this is just a small matter, a story of a single bad prime minister, the fact that it was not dealt with more severely is indicative of a bigger problem. It shows the lack of quality control being practiced for the leaders of Singapore. The following quote was taken from Singapore’s own homepage:

“The quality and commitment of our people will continue to be the most important determinant for advancement” – Member of Parliament Ms Indranee Rajah

We can take criticism about having archaic laws against homosexuals, repressive newspaper ownership laws, and even questionable relevance of censorship in the Media Development Authority to modern day operations. But one thing that cannot be tolerated is a reputation for having bad leaders. Such a reputation would compromise Singapore’s credibility far more than using refurbished British colonial laws or old mentors for our ministers.

While I may only be a 2nd lieutenant, I am a citizen of this country. And as a citizen I have the right to demand high standards from the leaders of Singapore. While it is true that high standards are hard to come by and even harder to enforce, for such events to come to light and yet nothing be done about it is to say the very least, unacceptable and disappointing.

Yours Sincerely,
2LT Li Hongyi

2LT Li is expected to depart Singapore for his studies at MIT, into which he was admitted because of his intelligence, not because of any family connections or Singapore’s donations of money to or connections with MIT.