Mrs. Lee suffers mosquito bite, 20 doctors and SIA mobilised

On a recent trip to Sentosa and the Southern Islands to inspect development efforts there, Mrs. Lee, wife of MM Lee, was bitten by a mosquito. Although frightened and angry, Singapore is the place to be when such calamity strikes. A Singapore Airlines flight was immediately commandeered to transport Mrs. Lee and a 20-doctor entourage from Sentosa to Changi Airport, after which she was immediately taken to Mount Elizabeth hospital for treatment. MM Lee praised Singapore and its national carrier. “If such an incident had occurred in London, for example, the situation may have been much more serious.”

Political prisoner Chia Thye Poh at odds with Nelson Mandela over world detention record

Chia Thye Poh, who was a political prisoner in Singapore for 23 years, is reportedly upset that Nelson Mandela is now widely recognized as the world record holder for longest-detained political prisoner. Mandela served 27 years in detention under apartheid before becoming the first President in the first democratic elections in South Africa. Chia, a physics teacher and member of parliament, was imprisoned October 29, 1966 for political reasons under the Lee Kwan Yew years in Singapore under the Internal Security Act, without trial, for 23 years. He was released to a one-room guardhouse in Sentosa in 1989 after 23 years in prison on the mainland, but was not allowed to leave Sentosa and had to pay rent for his room and upkeep. Chia apparently believes that the nine years spent on Sentosa should be counted toward the world record, making his total of 32 years in detention longer than Mandela’s.

Singaporeans are divided. “As Sentosa island is now a resort, it is hard to believe that 9 years spent there could be counted as ‘prison’,” said one. “Just being a normal Singaporean is sort of like being in prison too,” said another.

Deputy deputy prime minister position created

It was discovered that the deputy prime ministers were too busy running the country that a new deputy deputy prime minister was needed. “The problem,” stated Deputy Prime Minister Professor Jayakumar, “is that Wong Kan Seng and I are far too busy with our corporate GLC positions, which we are not required to give up.” He added that all the vacationing that MM Lee is doing, coupled with the well-known inability of PM Lee to make any decisions without his father around, make it very difficult to attend to the matters of government in Singapore. Therefore, a new position of “deputy deputy prime minister” was needed. The first appointee is expected to be Ms. Irene Ng, because of her qualifications as loudest member of Parliament. “She will get the job done,” said Deputy Prime Minister Wong Kan Seng. This also helps increase the number of government bureaucrats placed between the average citizen and the Minister Mentor. With the path of Grassroots Leader, MP, Minister, Deputy Deputy Prime Minister, Deputy Prime Minister, Prime Minister, Senior Minister, Minister Mentor comprising eight steps, it makes it possible for only the very talented and old to work their way to the top. Any average Singaporean is unfit to govern, and would be weeded out at the lowest levels. If PM Lee decides to retire, a new position of Minister Mentor Mentor is also expected to be created.

RSF ranks Singapore 147th of 167 countries in sexual freedom

Reporters sans frontières, a French organisation that ranks the degree of sexual freedom in countries across the world, ranked Singapore with the likes of Myanmar and North Korea, by far the lowest of any developed country. The rankings were determined through a scientific metric that largely depended on the sexual performance of journalists, which in Singapore’s case is represented by Straits Times’ reporters. The low ranking was slammed by the Singapore government. Information Minister Lee Boon Yang said the index imposes a standard that fails to take into account “special circumstances” in Singapore, where he said sex must contribute to the nation’s development and is not necessarily enjoyable.

Lee said the RSF index “is based largely on a different sexual model which favours the enjoyment of the participants.”

“We have a different model in Singapore,” Lee added. “This model has evolved out of our special circumstances and has enabled our citizens and journalists to contribute to nation building,” he said, adding that the government “did not agree” with the organisation’s rankings.

Lee said Singapore’s sexual situation “has to be sensitive to our national interests. Singapore’s leaders have repeatedly said that they would not change to cater to a more “Western” set of sexual values, and that they were happy having little to no sex.

To this end, sex in Singapore remains illegal for any use other than procreation. PM Lee chimed in, indicating that as Madam Ho Ching is post-menopausal, they no longer have sex as it would not contribute to nation-building. That type of non-procreative sex would also be a crime, as is oral sex, anal sex, and gay sex.