Singapore to seek nuclear weapons to replace MM Lee speeches as attack deterrent

The U.S. has a history of attacking dictatorships – Nazi Germany, Saddam Hussein’s Iraq, Imperial Japan, Taliban Afghanistan and of threatening autocratic regimes such as Libya and North Korea. Since Singapore has much in common with autocratic dictatorships, it stands to reason that U.S. attack is imminent. Therefore, Singapore leaders must band together with other like-minded dictatorships to head off this act. Singaporean diplomats are currently negotiating with North Korea and Iran on possible cooperation on a nuclear deterrent. Once Singapore is nuclear, it will then also have the additional option of threatening its own neighbors, which it can only currently do with MM Lee’s mouth.

K. Bhavani wins ladies’ mud wrestling award in contest against Chee Siok Chin

K. Bhavani, an official at MICA, came out one point ahead of Ms. Chee Siok Chin of the Singapore Democratic Party in the first annual Singapore Ladies’ Mud Wrestling Tournament. Although Chee won the first round, her small stature and lack of corporate backing began wearing her down. Bhavani, a larger woman sponsored by the Singapore Government, ended up victorious after engaging the help of Minister Vivian Balakrishnan, her boss. Ms. Chee objected, stating that just yesterday it was uncovered that Vivian Balakrishnan was actually a man, but her objection was overruled and she was immediately hit with a large mudball thrown by K. Bhavani.

Minister Vivian Balakrishnan, a man, not aware that “Vivian” is a lady’s name

Minister Vivian Balakrishnan is not aware that he has a woman’s name. This shocking news was revealed after a letter was received from a French diplomat to his office, addressed to “Madame Vivian Balakrishnan”. The minister then went on to assure the Singapore public that he is indeed, yes, a man. As the word “yes man” is common in Singapore, but “yes woman” is not common, most Singaporeans believe the minister is telling the truth.

Vietnamese domestic workers not allowed in Singapore because skin color “too light”

The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) reported today that the current list of countries that may supply maids to Singaporean households remains unchanged. Currently only The Philippines, India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Bangladesh may supply maids. “We must be careful to choose countries with darker-skinned peoples, so that we can easily tell the maids apart from local Chinese Singaporeans,” explained a MOM spokeswoman. “This is why we cannot allow Vietnamese and Chinese maids, even though average incomes in those countries is lower than in some of our current supply countries. Vietnamese and Chinese maids would be indistinguishable from ethnic Chinese Singaporeans, and that is a situation that we cannot tolerate.” She added that Singaporeans must be vigilant in identifying maids on Singapore streets, and making sure that they are treated appropriately.

No one sure what Professor Jayakumar is a professor of

MP Jayakumar is often referred to as “Professor” but a survey conducted by Singapore Donkey revealed that NTU and NUS students were unaware of any class taught by this”professor”.  12% of students thought he is a professor in title only, similar to the “nutty professor” or the “absent-minded professor”.  10% of students thought he taught music appreciation, and the remaining students stated that they were too fearful to participate in any survey.