PAP introduces new candidate for general election

Stumpy, the ass pictured above, is expected to be the PAP candidate to replace outgoing MP for Sembawang Tony Tan, who announced on March 26 that he will retire from politics. Stumpy is looking forward to constesting the election. He has a history of hard work for the people of Singapore and standing up for what he thinks is right regardless of outside concerns. Due to concerns that PAP candidates may not be free to speak their minds once elected, some parliamentarians have suggested that the Whip might be lifted for Stumpy so that he can freely air his views on any number of government issues. Echoing this, Senior Minister Goh made a similar statement to the Hougang Community Club about Mr. Eric Low, who is the PAP candidate contesting there. “If you vote for Eric Low, I can tell the Prime Minister to let him be the ‘Opposition’ in the Parliament. We can lift the Whip so that he can speak his mind. Then you can have the best of both worlds.

Stumpy is expected to fare well in the election, as Singaporeans are generally pleased with all PAP candidates. Said MP Irene Ng in a letter to the Straits Times, dated March 25, 2006, “Singapore has a hard-won international reputation for its high standard of integrity and competence in its politics. The PAP ensures this by insisting on honest, capable political leaders who fulfill their promises to the people.” Stumpy is no exception. With his proven record of new ideas and hard work, he will undoubtedly bring a breath of fresh air to parliament. When asked how he felt on a range of issues, Stumpy was not yet willing to reply. Nonetheless, he is expected to contribute greatly in debates within parliament itself, where the voicing of fresh ideas is always welcome, and he is considered the front-runner in the contest at this moment (also the fastest runner). Although he is an ass, Stumpy is expected to be just as vocal as all human PAP members of parliament when he disagrees with the party line.

Queen Elizabeth II impressed with MM Lee’s English pronunciation during her visit

Queen Elizabeth II of Britain touched down in Singapore on her way to Australia for the Commonwealth Games. While here, she had a chance to have a long discussion with MM Lee about Singapore’s future as one of the shining examples of stable democracies around the world. As the two monarchs concluded their dinner, Her Majesty indicated that she was most impressed with MM Lee’s English ability. “Compared to other world leaders, Minister Mentor Lee has an excellent grasp of English.” It is expected that MM Lee’s command of the Queen’s English will continue to bring a shower of benefits to Singapore, including more visits from the British royal family and fewer visits from President Bush of the United States. Madam Ho Ching, wife of PM Lee, expressed her hope that Prince William will someday also be able to visit Singapore, and volunteered to sit next to His Royal Highness at a state dinner.

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